It’s scary man.
True happiness is scary cause you got no control over it whatsoever. Just to clarify, I am not talking about the happiness that comes from taking care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally. I am not talking about the happiness that comes from doing something you’ve been wanting to do for a while. Not the happiness that comes from doing something new nor the happiness that comes from talking to a friend you love.
I am talking about this inner state of being, of true joy. Of feeling fully fulfilled by just being. That happiness is scary, because it is undefinable. The moment you try to define it, you lose it. It is a state where you have no idea whether or not you’ll live a happy life, there is nothing you can do that will ensure your life will be fulfilled. You can’t write a text talking about it that will give you this “happiness pass” -> “you’ve understood, now, you’re safe. Your happiness is ensured”. There is really nothing you can do besides letting go and that’s not even something you do.
What I find so scary about it, is that you don’t have any control over your happiness. And if you want control, then you can control how you feel but it’ll never be true happiness. So you must surrender completely to the nothingness. And in that nothingness, there is no-thing to cling to. No-thing to attach to. No story, no thought. nothing. And that is scary, cause you have no idea where it’ll take you. Not a single clue where you’ll go. And if you try to grasp it, you’ll have cut yourself off it.
But what I have learned is that fear is not a bad thing. Fear can be used as a tool. Yesterday, I was climbing up a hill and in the middle, I started feeling fear. In that moment, I said to myself, this is great. This fear is giving me energy to be more aware of every step that I am taking, so that there’s less chance I will step wrong and fall down the hill. But fear can be paralyzing, I said, if you let it get to you, you’ll be standing still in the middle of the hill not daring to walk a single step.
So yes, it’s scary to not be in control of your happiness, but perhaps this kind of fear is a tool, just like when you’re walking up a hill. Perhaps it is giving you the exact thing you need in order to get to where you want to go. And perhaps in time, you’ll follow fear like it is your best companion, guiding you through life. And then you won’t feel the need to try and control anymore, cause you’ll always know that your buddy fear is there to light the way.
Let’s stop being afraid of fear, and start seeing it for what it really is, one of the most powerful tools at our disposal.
We must show it respect.
Life gave us many tools to navigate this world, let’s start seeing them for what they are and start working with them to create the life we deeply desire. We don’t need to learn more tools, nor hoard more information. We need to re-evaluate our relationship to the tools that are around us.
If you could guarantee it, it would be a possession.
And possessions can be lost.