What I love tonight. I love the gentleness of myself this night. A gentleness I will keep cultivating within. I was doing some energetic breaths, raising my vibrations when I came across an adversary. An obstacle. He made me feel heavy, difficult. He made me suffer. Until the moment I noticed him, the judge. He became really big the past weeks; I once saw him as an entity 5 times the size of planet Earth. I love how there is that huge amount within to judge. Either way, I noticed him and said, “Ahh, an adversary, welcome.” There was no hate towards him, there was no frustration, no regret, no “not again.” There was just me, and the judge. And I welcomed him. I accepted him. He can’t play me or influence me if I see him, if I dare to look at him. A mere influence of a few minutes after which I can just keep walking. Thank you Atlas, for being with what is in the moment, in full acceptance.
Have I had higher highs? Yes, absolutely. I am not even close to what I have felt before. And there is a part of me that is pained by that. Yet there is a bigger part of me that is grateful to feel what I feel now, for it is good. It is just good. Calm. Clear. Restful.
The other part is battle ready. Fierce eyes. Determination on its face. Ready to start walking. Ready to start running through the fire in order to burn away the old and invite the new. Wow. What a beautiful combination. The determination to keep going and the softness to be happy and good with anything and everything that is, in this moment.
Then I can only feel gratefulness. Gratefulness for the power within. The power to stand strong that I’ve been seeking. Grateful to have it balanced by the release of expectations, which allowed for a softness to arise within that power, determination.
I am. I am ready to walk in the dark, fierce, steady, strong. So powerful, so determined that I am not taken over by the forces that come from left and right saying, “You’re not good enough,” “You really believe you can do this,” “give up, it’s not meant for you,” “You should be doing better.” These voices are called “Fear,” “Doubt,” “Hopelessness,” “Anger.” And on top of that determination, there is my heart which accepts and acknowledges all the voices that do come and grab my attention. And then, there is the courage to see the pain and keep walking after having acknowledged it. The courage it takes to leave behind these pains, I admire that. It is the most painful thing I have ever done. Ever.
Love