“In the desert sun, you can’t remember your name for their ain’t no one for to give you no pain.”
This sentence sparked a little fire within. A little blip, a lightbulb moment. A little bell rang. A snap you could say. Anyways, what is life without having a little fun, right? Freedom! Ohh thats the song that Is playing in the background right now from Pharrell Williams. I love that song..,
Anyways, to the topic at hand. I started imagining that which we are most associated with. The things within ourselves that we call ourselves. Isn’t that most of the time pain? Isn’t most of the words we speak unhealed triggers from the past? You’re right, maybe I am doom thinking and a little tunnel visioned. None the less most of what I hear from the people around me is worries, fears, stress and restlessness. And then I hear, It is time for me to calm down, it is time to find some rest. So if you say that it is time for you to find rest that means that you are identified with the part that was giving you unrest, no? Otherwise you could just be rest and observe the unrest flowing through your body and mind. I entreat you to remember the vastness that you are. Wilder beyond any imaginable possibility for the tool of imagination stems out of what you are. Infinite vastness.
So what if we let go of all that is off the past, all that is now simply in our imagination? What are we truly? See there comes the tricky part, don’t catch yourself making the same mistake as I did. I tend to start feeling happy feelings when describing words like these. The next natural thing to do is: OMG I AM THOSE HAPPY FEELINGS. Yhea girl, watch them turn dark in a minute. See cause when you identify with the happy feelings, when you soothe in their pleasures, what will you do when they stop being so pleasurable? You’ll try and hold on to the feelings, and that feeling is what I call anxiousness. When that utter blissful calmful state is starting to fade, thoughts are pooping in and you sense yourself losing yourself. Oh god, that must be one of the worst experiences there are. But hey, it’s all part of the game right?
EIH! BEIH! NO THANKS BRATE.
None the less, I love you dearly.
So, now I wonder: If it is not optimal to associate myself with any of my feelings, can I still enjoy them then?
Ohh yes please enjoy them my love. Soothe in them. The emotional body is a very pleasurable one for you humans. And through understanding that it is temporarily, any of what you feel, you naturally lose your association with it. Even those really scary emotions that make you run from them out of sheer habit, stay with them, just for a while. Soon they’ll disappear and let me tell you something more, they’ll even become enjoyable. I swear, I speak from lived experience.
Two days ago, I was standing up straight, looking out of my window chatting with a dear friend of mine. All of a sudden he speaks some words and the utmost of scariest feelings arise within. It feels like there is a literal demon standing behind me. Now, this ain’t the first time dealing with demons, so I’ve gained the privilege to not react and just feel, and speak out to my friend what I feel. Now after about thirty seconds that feeling disappeared and what remained was the feeling of energy in my back. Then my friend started talking about snakes and I was like not this shit again haha.
About two months ago, I was laying in my bed and I felt a snake crawling through the back of my spine. To paint a picture: with all my might I jumped in the air. With the power that was inside me I could’ve jumped through the roof, or at least hit it really hard. But none of that happened, I stayed laying down feeling frightened. Can you imagine, a snake? I’ve been taught my whole life to be afraid of snakes, fuck even just a few weeks ago a man told me, you got to wear long pants because there’s snakes here. Can you imagine the comfortable walk I had home after that interaction? So when I felt the energy rise within my body, feeling like I was guided to activate the kundalini snake, (yes that’s right, after my first snake encounter someone told me it is a snake crawled up 2 and half times around the base of your spine, and through the activation of kundalini energy within your body, the snake starts rising all the way to the crown and through that enlightenment is born, or something like that. (Don’t quote me on this). I believe the snake got till my third chakra until I spanked it back down to my base while saying “You go rest again you b*, I ain’t ready for this shit yet.
Anyways, I might need some snake exposure therapy.
Good god, I don’t blame myself for not going through with this anymore, that was no pleasant state of being either. “I am just a frilotious boy, not knowing what I am doing.” And that is very easily said, that’s why I give the guidance of my life to ALL THAT IS. My hombre know how to navigate this stuff, it hasn’t only done it infinite times, it is literally programmed within my body. Safe to say, I am in good hands. And with all those good sweet soft gentle hands surrounding me, I feel ready to start the process of being able to call myself a man. A responsible man. Although the image of superman is fitting in this moment, I would rather acknowledge that I as to whatever I may be refering to has a lot to learn on this earth. And I humbly acknowledge your greatness. Haha. I am kidding of course.
Having concluded we are equals, let us move on.
Where was I? Ohh, yhea so I suppose in accepting my power, right? If I see my capabilities, If I respect the power that can flow through me and honor it with deep respect and gratitude, then I can hold the power of that snake. And always remember, it is not about the power of the snake, it is more about your intention, what is it you desire to bring here? And become aware that you can bring that from any and every state you are in. Kindness knows no boundaries.
So yes. Feelings no matter how scary they are can become pleasurable. Even the scary demon ended up feeling quite pleasurable towards the last moments of it’s presence. One time I read somewhere that there is nothing but love and that all feelings of something outside of love are simply projections of the scared subconscious. And I take that very dearly to my heart. May every time that I stumble across something fearful recognize it as not the real truth. Just as in me wanting to connect with people. I get scared and then it feels like all I am experiencing is fear, but in reality it is a desire to connect. You see? No desire, no fear. So desire is the origin, fear is the projection. Acknowledge it for its power, then acknowledge that you are acknowledging the fear not the other way around. You with the ability to acknowledge something in it’s totally means that the ‘you’ we are referring to is bigger then what is acknowledged. Ultimately meaning that it doesn’t have to define your experience and actions if you don’t prefer it that way.
As always, I write you with great love,
Atlas